As an ongoing experiment this year in Big League Fantasy Football, the weekly write-ups will be authored courtesy of various members of the League. If you would like to contribute a post, let Turner know.
AS A REMINDER — there are three THANKSGIVING GAMES this Thursday. Plan accordingly.
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What’s going on, y’all? As we go into the Thanksgiving season, I just wanted to say that I’m thankful for this fantasy football league. Thank you to the hosts for the countless hours of work that went into this.
I get huge cases of FOMO, so I’d like to talk about every matchup this week. I’m going with the first movie that comes to mind when I see each matchup.
Fight Club: The Los Angeles ICE-melters vs Oodles of Noodles
The Los Angeles ICE-melters had an easy week against what turned out to be a nonexistent opponent. Sometimes I wonder if Turner waits just a little too long when his opponent doesn’t field a lineup. Either way, a clean sweep.
Marriage Story: Rusty Ryan and the All Reds vs Jordan Loves Younghoes
A heavy ride through and through for the participants of this battle, but one side comes out on top in the end. Jordan Loves Younghoes had a couple of great performances in the tuck to go up against Rusty Ryan and the All Reds many heavy hitters. At the end, one team won.
Star Wars: A New Hope: Eating Poop vs The Eagles Parade Pay Day Gray
A ragtag group of rebels figures out how to eke out a win against an insurmountable enemy: exploit their defense. Pay Day Gray barely managed to win against Eating Poop @ The Eagles Parade when a week-worst performance by the Detroit Lions’ defense led to a tight win.
Everything Everywhere All At Once: Ward and Peace vs Beaver Blitz
Everybody was putting in work on these performances up and down the roster. Ward and Peace kept two of this week’s best players to go up against a solid cast for Beaver Blitz. The Oscar went to the clearly better performer this time around.
Avengers: Infinity War: Skid Marks vs Cooper DeJean is not my lover
Everyone is going to blame Jameson Williams for this loss, but the problem was highkey bigger than that. Cooper DeJean is not my lover had this week’s highest scorer, Jahmyr Gibbs, and a strong Jalen Hurts performance that completely trounced Skid Marks’ lineup. Tough loss, but you get them back in the sequel!
Smart House: Endzone Jones vs Cooper Station
I’d say this movie is pretty damn good. People did their thing in it. Maybe a standout performance or two. I liked it idk. Anyway, this matchup was solid with some good performances but Endzone Jones took it over Cooper Station. This was a pretty good Disney Channel movie.
Sky High: Southport Skegs vs WinnersWin
One side had a lot of nobodies on their squad. WinnersWin managed to get 6 players with no points, including a nonexistent WR corp, while Southport Skegs put together a solid team that cracked triple digits. Respect to Younghoe Koo, per usual.
Home Alone: In the Lannisters We Trust vs Bad at This
At every corner, MacCauley Culkin outsmarted and outclassed his opponents. In the biggest blowout of the week, Bad at This destroyed In the Lannisters We Trust. I never watched Game of Thrones, so I’m assuming the Lannisters don’t fare well in that series either.
Mean Girls: Riley Read Option vs Dez Still Caught It
I think Lindsey Lohan does a great job in this movie, but I only remember Regina George’s performance. That being said, Lindsey won in the movie just as the Riley Read Option held off a strong performance by Dez Still Caught It.
Captain America: Civil War: Scrantonicity 7 vs Zurich Fins
On paper, this looks like it’s supposed to be a close one, but if we’re really looking at it, there’s some witchcraft going on. Zurich Fins had the pleasure of having multiple otherworldly beings on their team deliver them the highest score of the week. Scrantonicity 7 had a pretty capable team, but the winner got away with it in the end.
The Proposal: Fighting Methodists vs hancocky bastards
Any discussion on Ryan Reynolds being annoying rubs me the wrong way cause I thought he sucked as the lead in this movie. Carried by their supporting cast, Fighting Methodists put together a strong victory against hancocky bastards. However, the QB duel was close but pitiful in this matchup. Sandra Bullock kills this role.
Space Jam: Kingpins of Crime vs Krusty Krab Pizzas
Kingpins of Crime put together the Monstars to go up against the Bill Murray-looking Krusty Krab Pizzas. I do not care who won that basketball game in the end; it should not have been close in the movie. One of the more lopsided victories, but the scores reset next week, champ.
The Prestige: The Good Guys vs Hock Out With My KOC Out
Two evenly matched sides going toe to toe against each other in the closest game of the week. The Good Guys managed to win, but Hock Out With My KOC Out kept it incredibly close the whole match. Great game for Jalen Hurts though, huh?
Set It Off: Who’s Nailin’ Jalen? vs She Sucks My Boswell
Man, there are a lot of great performances and moments in this cast. There are a lot of players in this matchup who cracked 20 points, but She Sucks My Boswell had the better team against Who’s Nailin’ Jalen? this week. Man, I love that movie.
The Minecraft Movie: Green Bowl Packers vs Woke Up and Chose Violence
There are some stinkers in this pool of players, but you know, the movie got made. Woke Up and Chose Violence overcame a 1.9-point RB and soundly beat the Green Bowl Packers. Yet again, the leads in this did not put together a good game at all.
Friday: Drew Crew vs H-O-T-T-O-DEEBO
Craig vs Deebo isn’t supposed to be a fair fight, but movies find a way! Drew Crew lost the QB duel against H-O-T-T-O-DEEBO, but it turns out there’s more to that in a victory. Not even joking, I just realized that I picked Friday for the matchup with “Deebo” in the name.
Paid in Full: Depressed Colts Fan vs TheNuke
Cam’Ron, Mekhi Phifer, and Wood Harris put together three insane performances to carry this movie. Depressed Colts Fan got three 20+ point performances to drum up a 53-point win over TheNuke. So, a good game if you forget about Drake London!
Saw: Freakofnature vs Up!!!
Talk about a LATE reveal. Turner texted me my lineup reminder on Sunday at 1:15 pm. Midway through a Friendsgiving and a few glasses of wine deep, I stepped aside and put together my team at 5:04 pm. I bet Freakofnature thought they had this in the bag for the entire day when all of a sudden, primetime football gives their opponent a 5-point victory.
