Anyone missing a glass slipper? If you are, send me an email. Because here we are in week 17 and the 14th seed is lined up against the #1 seed, horns pointed, ready to rumble. Cinderella story, this may be.

Here are the matchups for next week:

I would be punching any un-holed wall if I were Methodists or Dez. I mean, look at the matchups. Some outright travesties occurred this week, but the good news is that these two teams get to duke it out for 3rd place (and the $100 prize that comes with it). On to the matchup-specific paragraphs.

Woke Up and Chose Violence (144.32) vs. Dez Still Caught It (101.2)

My dear Ravens’ Saturday night game was must-watch appointment television for me. Could they fend off the Packers? Could both backup QBs salvage an otherwise high-intensity game? The answer, of course, was not a thoughtful, articulate breakdown of Xs and Os. It was just a name. And that name is Derrick Henry. The King tallied his highest football carries since college (36) to the tune of 216 yards and 4 touchdowns. What I find so impressive about this performance is that his longest rush was just for 30 yards, yet he averaged 6 yards per carry. He actually didn’t have his breakaway housecall, instead opting for frustratingly elusive goal-line scores of 3 yards, 1 yard, and 3 yards. (He did cap off the game with a 25-yard TD run, too). Derrick Henry is my favorite player in the league and has been for 6 years or so, and it’s amazing to see him show up again in December. But his relevance here is clearly for the soul-crushing 45.6 points that Woke Up and Chose Violence was able to elbow-drop on Dez Still Caught It. ESPECIALLY when Dez countermandered with a Josh Jacobs selection that amounted to the barely visible 1.3 points. Simply, it wasn’t a game that Jacobs could contribute to. Malik Willis was the leading rusher with 60 yards. Even if Josh Jacobs Megazord’d to synthesize all of the GB ground game, it would’ve mustered for just 36% of the effort that Tractorcito put out in Lambeau. 

Looking elsewhere in the matchups, Violence had a fine lineup, with Wan’Dale being the other standout. Meanwhile, Miller had his heart broken several times over with the disastrous plays of Jacobs (already discussed) and London. And man, I watched that whole game, but I don’t know where London was. I know he was coming off of an injury, but he was only targeted twice. It was the Bijan Robinson game, so maybe he observed that dominance and took a backseat. It’s all speculation, but what isn’t is that London and Jacobs summed for less than three points when Dez was beaten by over 40 points. Take notes, Shakespeare: that’s what we call a tragedy.

Thus, we bid adieu to Dez for title contention. It was an incredible run to witness (yet again). I don’t know if I’d do anything differently if I were him. But I do know we’ll see him probably just as high-ranking next year. But this year is the year of VIOLENCE! Chandler took the league with both hands and a whip and never looked back. It has taken him all the way to champ week. Does he have enough ammo to land the plane? We’ll see in a matter of days.

Skid Marks (152.32) vs. Fighting Methodists (103.52)

I really can’t believe this. And I have continued not to believe it. Brian and the Marks knocked me out in the Wild Card round, and I thought it was a fluke. He knocked Rusty Ryan out in the Divisional round, and I thought it was a mirage. And now, he’s eliminated Methodists with the clean and decisive swiftness of a Russian hit-squad. He notched 152.32 points in the penultimate week of fantasy after weeks and weeks of scoring near the top of the entire league. This win, though, was done (mostly) on the margins. An itemized analysis of the matchup shows that Skid Marks didn’t actually blow Matt out of the water; he just consistently outscored him on a positional basis. From bottom to top, Brian earned a 10-point advantage from both defense and kicker, 5 more points at tight end, and ~8 points at the WR spot. A slew of neutralizations occurred at the WR2 spot and the RB corps. A shocking double zero from Pierce and MHJ. But then, Godwin cranked up the heat, edging 12 more points than Deebo. And of course, Brock “Lamar Jackson” Purdy put on a clinic against the Bears, but furthermore outpaced the suddenly-hot Trevor Lawrence.

Matt and his Fighters rostered only Sunday morning players. So his fate was effectively sealed by the time the afternoon slate rolled around. Skid Marks would need to suffer approximately a dozen fumbles/interceptions from both Purdy and Tucker to make up the negative deficit. Somehow, Skid Marks did it. I can recall earlier in the season that Skid Marks had effectively given up after suffering loss after loss. And in this giving up, he would just play the best players he had left. This scorched Earth approach has taken him from 0 to hero. Or more accurately, from #14 to one week of football away from the crown. Brian has never participated in Champ Week despite being in the league from the beginning, but here’s his chance. 

To the victor go the spoils.

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That’s all! Next week will be the final write-up of the season, with words from your winner. 

As a tease for the off-season, I think we’ll be making a few changes to the gameplay and functionality. If you are concerned, then please reach out, and I can bounce some ideas off of you.

Take care and good luck to our final four teams. Three of you will take home money.