Happy Thursday to all!
This serves as your reminder to play any Colts or Broncos for tonight’s TNF game.
Anyways, here’s the recap – enjoy.
Highest Scorer:
Skid Marks 4 (183.42): Big time. Those are really the only words that came to mind when I checked the final tally Tuesday morning. The Skid Marks of Kentucky opened their coffers and shelled out in a big way. Between future MVP Josh Allen, future HOFer Mike Evans, and future WR #1 for a desperate team Tee Higgins, the Marks notched almost a hundred right there. But what is probably more impressive is the trio of 11 points scored by each of what is usually the weak link of any roster – the Tight End, Kicker, and Defense triumvirate. 183 may be the ceiling of what a roster can do in this league. But the Skid Marks better not pull an Icarus and burn too bright too soon. A win was never in doubt, but we’ll cover that in just a moment.
Honorable mentions: Joc Pederson’s Pearls for continuing to dominate her matchups.
Biggest Blowout
Mister Commissioner vs Skid Marks (183.42): Typically, I don’t like to even recognize empty rosters. They’re a blight to my eyes. But on this day of our lord, we must roast Mister Commissioner. Skid Marks pulled a Caesar and came, saw, and conquered. He did the research and expended the capital to win against pretty much any potential roster. In fact, every player selected by Skid Marks was at least top 10 at their position for week 4. How did the so-called Mister Commissioner respond? ………………. Pretty much like that. The well-knowledged Mr. Commish could not even be bothered to log a single player. Last week’s blowout was around 90 points. This week, Skid Marks exceeded this by a hundred. This wasn’t just taking candy from a baby. This was throwing a newborn into the sumo ring against a killer. This was a lion preying on a gazelle if the gazelle was already dead. This was an Easter Egg hunt where Skid Marks already had a map of every plastic bulb. This was an election where every voter turned out, but there was no second candidate. Skid Marks trounced so triumphantly that they should honestly take the week off, buy a Corvette, and just victory lap the town. Eyes will be peeled to see how Mister Commissioner responds in week 5. Last year this manager got second in the league, so all this talk may be for naught. But there’s no time like the present, and that’s not a word I’d use to describe their roster for week 4.
Honorable mentions: Score-box Munchers, End Zone Jones, and Loose Ends Only for showing up
Closest Match:
Southport Skegs Points Bob Barker’s House of Pain (3.28): This team simply can’t stay out of the news. Whether being the blowout, the one who blows out, the highest scorer, or the team that just narrowly loses, Garret’s squad is making a case to be the main character of this season of fantasy. Casting call? Come on down once again, Bob Barker. This matchup is actually hilarious when you examine it for a moment. The Skegs rostered two first-round Running Backs, the front runner to be QB #1 on the year, and he also snuck in a great game from Ertz. Not to mention that he played the best athlete on Earth, Younghoe Koo. This had all the makings of being a romp for Colin. Yet – Johnson and Smith fizzled. Looks like Zeke peaked. And Hurts put up around half of what you’d expect from the budding star. Not for lack of trying, the House of Pain got close. Josh Reynolds said ‘Hey, I exist’; Jamaal Williams did what we’d hope he’d do in a vacuum; and Goedert did his best Ertz impression. But it wasn’t enough. Cord Patt got hurt and the Chargers have an apparently dead battery on D. But I know what pains Garret the most. He let Tannehill stab him in the heart once more. Let him go – he can’t hurt you anymore. Better luck next week!
Honorable mention to Ghost of Goodell’s Past vs Freak of Nature (4.98)
Biggest Bust
Allen Robinson II (2.7 points): Ok, you caught me. Only two teams played the former Jag / Bear. Typically this medal of shame is reserved for the man who burned the most people. But let us shine a spotlight on a true enigma. In 2015, the true contested catch talent broke out with a clean 1,400-yard season – catching passes from the 47 million dollar man himself, Blake Bortles. Any fan of the sport could tell, we got a star on our hands. Here are some stats about his career since that comet of a season. 19 touchdowns in seven years. 376 catches in the time elapsed (~53 a season). And most appalling, his yardage total: 883- 17 – 754 – 1,147 – 1,250 (a true resurgence!) – 410 – and lastly, 95 yards through four games playing for the Superbowl MVP and the wunderkind Sean McVay. What happened here? Anyone who watched a Bear’s game last season could intuit that the man just didn’t want to be in Chicago. But you’d think that the sunny side of LA would reinvigorate this one-time top ten talent. I would contest that the biggest bust of the last five years in the NFL is Allen Robinson II. If it were me, I’d rename him Allen Robinson the Last.
Best Find
Geno Smith (31.7): Ok, you caught me. AGAIN! Maybe I’m cheating by patting myself on the back with this clever pick. But, let’s play a game. Quarterback A: 980 passing yards; four touchdowns; 61.1 completion percentage; 12 sacks; 51 rushing yards. QB B: 1037 passing; six tuddys; 77.3 completion; six sacks; and 64 on the ground. Sure, maybe some of these are closer than is worth all the hyperbole. But if you told me that one quarterback was traded for four draft picks and two quality players, and one was a backup, I’d want quarterback B. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably guessed that Russell ‘Limited’ Wilson is Quarterback A and Geno ‘Perpetual Backup’ Smith is option B. We’re a mere month into the season, but so far the Broncos trade looks like a disaster and the Seahawks look more alive than they’ve been in years. A few final stats, among actual starting quarterbacks, Geno is #1 in completion and #9 in fantasy scoring. I have a pretty strong feeling this will not be the last time that we talk about this guy.
Weekly Oddity
Let’s give a big round of applause to Flom and his Casino Emporium. First win of the season and sixth all time for this league format. There remain to be two winless teams, and, thus, Benji gets to escape without the title of worst team! Vamos a ver if his luck will persist or this is a fluke.
On zero-point watch again, a dozen players scored nada this week. Make like a dog and WOOF. A full box of donuts. Make it a baker’s dozen and I’ll throw in Richie Jame Jr. who tallied -0.1 for our resident Kingpins of Crime.
On undefeated watch, the Kupps and the Pearls sit at 4-0. Will they have used too many great players? Will their strategy of notching early season wins prove out? The world may never know.
Lastly, in a peek behind the curtains, The Samoyed team attempted to correct me in the spelling of their name. However, in our efforts to correct the error, we unintentionally copied and pasted his message as the team name as opposed to the actual correction. Nobody is perfect.
That’s it! Have a great rest of your week and I hope you enjoyed the write-up.
