Week 5 Recap

Good day, everyone! I hope you had an excellent weekend and beginning of this week. It was another compelling slate of both real life and fantasy football with some heartbreaking upsets as well as mind-boggling comebacks. But first!


  1. Payments! The following folks have not paid dues yet: (note: I know some of you pay cash, if this is the case, you can wait for now)
    • Adam Schefter’s Sources
    • Freak Of Nature
    • End Zone Jones
    • Skid Marks
    • Titan Your Butthole
    • Pay Day Gray
    • Bob Barker’s House of Pain
    • Southport Skegs
    • lansing leopards
    • team Web
    • Just Setting Lineups So I Don’t Get Fined
    • AR5 Fan Club
    • Scorebox Munchers
    • Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S
  2. On the front of payments, we now have a total of TWO no-showers who will have to pay the $15 penalty. Welcome to the club, Mr. Sources. Again my venmo is @Turner-Manley and your dues are $30.
  3. Please check out the new Playoff Watch at the bottom of this post! This will be moving around very dynamically and will likely be pretty lo-fi compared to the rest of the site. As a reminder, the top 14 teams (with division winners being slotted in as well) will reach the playoffs.
  4. Please continue to ask questions and clarify any issues with Matthew and I. While there’s a lot we can’t do (yet), we are absolutely committed to making sure this is the most fun, competitive, and best fantasy experience you can have!

On to the categories!

Highest Scorer: Southport Skegs (168.84 points)

Making his debut on the writeup, Colin comes in with a screaming buck 68 on the week. Normally, this would’ve been a competitive matchup for Saquon Deez Nuts, scoring a solid 124 points. But, when your opponent says “yeah, I’m going for it” sometimes there’s little to be done, except cower and hope for minimal damage. Ja’Marr Chase woke up from his apparent coma to score a ludicrous 54.2 points on a 15-192-3 line. Another stat to illustrate, Burrow eyed Chase 19 times out of his 46 total throws on Sunday. What a dominant target share! However, it was not only the Chase performance that landed this decisive victory. Colin rostered the somehow resurgent Adam Thielen in a points bonanza against the Lions (66 total points scored). And of course, having LePorta on the other side of the matchup doesn’t hurt. Sam LePorta is on track to cement his rookie season in the history books and is clearly a solid play each and every week. The other rostered rookie here, Zay Flowers, has been blossoming into his own and becoming (finally) another decent target for Lamar Jackson. And of course, a defensive shut-out by the Saints could never hurt. All of these savvy selections buoyed the Skegs past a lackluster duo showing courtesy of Josh Dobbs and Kenny Gainwell. However, nothing was in serious jeopardy with his opponent having a smattering of milquetoast roster performances. All in all, this was a triumphant win by the Skegs from Southpot that solidly placed them in the points lead for the Luigi division. Let’s see if the wins can keep up!

Biggest Blowout: Freak of Nature vs Gamecocks (65.04 points)

I was (imagine me using my fingers to show a small distance) this close to giving the biggest blowout award to the Krusty Krab Pizzas for shattering the soul of Adam Schefter’s Sources with his empty lineup. However, something even more tragic and funny happened. Coming into Sunday, I was informed that Ben and the Gamecocks had a nasty lineup in store for the scary Freaks of Nature. It would have been a real tilt of generations – Fantasy pioneer and legend, Sel, vs newcomer and (perhaps youngest member of the league) Ben! However, as history tells us so often, age and experience triumphed. It appears that Gamecocks did not hit that fateful button submit. And with this, he was borderline doomed. While I don’t know his entire proposed lineup, I do know that Ja’Marr Chase headlined the squad and that he was cheering and happy on the couch whenever he caught another ball. Come SNF though, those Sunday Scaries came creeping in and he realized he had not in fact submitted a lineup. But kudos to him! Instead of rolling over, paying the fine, or playing all backups, he attempted to scrape up a MNF lineup consisting of only Raiders and Packers. Sadly, that mess of a game only netted him a paltry 56.38 points. Against, the robust squad that the Freaks assembled (headlined by Tua, Montgomery, Tyreek, and Pacheco) this just wouldn’t cut it. Again, for the fifth week in a row, the blowout has been at least double of the loser’s points. Tremendous effort, Gamecocks, and best of luck for this next week.

Closest Matchup: team Web vs The Good Guys (2.78 points) & CobbSlobbers vs Just the tip Jefferson (2.1 points)

Pure hilarity. These two lineups are two sides of the same coin. This weekend surely caught a lot of people by surprise because we had at least four roster miscues (including my own). Both team Web and CobbSlobbers rostered entirely MNF lineups (aside from the Slobbers interesting play of George Kittle). To cut to the chase, team Web lost while CobbSlobbers won. But how we got there was very interesting. Coming into the MNF game, I didn’t see Web’s lineup at all, while CobbSlobber’s was in with ease. So, imagine my surprise Tuesday morning when I see just how close it came.

Focusing on the Guys/Web matchup, Zane had to be sweating bullets when he finally saw the roster come in at the last minute. His team performed a pedestrian 86.26 points which would’ve lost to 27 other teams. And suddenly, it appears that any yard or point scored in this game will show up to his left on the screen. Web, on the other hand, had to have been sky-high, seeing hope in sight! I mean, his seemingly improbable choice of Jakobi Meyers was paying off, meanwhile the ground game was working! Yet, it truly was Jordan Love who shot his fateful arrow. Love came into the week as the #3 QB on the year. Scoring sub-5 points was not in the game-plan. Meanwhile, Jimmy G came in as the #25 QB. However, if team Web had optioned over to Mr. Garrapolo, they would’ve netted 10.72 points with a clear lead over Good Guys. Alas, this did not happen.

Meanwhile, between the two grossly named teams, both Austin and Daniel faced off awaiting this Monday Night matchup. Hilariously, these two teams live together and the other roommate of this household neglected to even play a roster this week. What a night that house must have had! Of course, these two teams neutralized their QB position, both playing Love. But, Daniel’s Jeffersons was left refreshing the page, waiting to see if the Slobbers would surpass 107 points. I would rate Just the tip Jefferson as a very good roster – a few big spenders but overall a value. And his point total showed as much. However, it simply was not enough to overcome his roommate’s Nostradamusly ability to roster a team that barely beat him. But to drive the knife in further, it must be highlighted that CobbSlobbers achieved all of this while rostering the known-to-be-inactive, Aaron Jones. Just imagine if he had a running back #2.

Biggest Find: DJ Moore (49 points even)

Yes, Ja’Marr Chase had more points (only by 3.2), but I’m not sure that we can understate the sheer dominance of DJ Moore in the early Thursday Night game. Four teams rostered the former Carolina Panther, and two won. But enough teasing – Moore’s line was 8-230-3 on ten targets. Sensational is one of a few words that comes to mind. This line also comes absent an erroneous call by a referee that subtracted a 32 yard house call. He could’ve gone 9-252-4? That legitimately could have been the wideout performance of the year. Carolina has been putting out queries looking for a #1 caliber wide receiver — “cool”, said Adam Thielen– yet their willingness to give up DJ Moore for this year’s 1st round pick, next year’s 1st rounder, and some change all for Bryce Young may ultimately come as a question mark to most. For fantasy purposes, DJ Moore is now the WR #4 on the year. And with the resurgent Justin Fields, Moore shows no signs of slowing down. Rarely does a TNF performance bode so well for teams. Racking up a 50 burger before the games have truly begun is a massive, massive advantage. Personally, after seeing Moore on Amazon’s Panther’s season of All or Nothing, I’ve always been a fan of the dude and I’m pumped to see him have his moment in the sun. Congrats to the teams that can boast their genius of playing Mr. Moore. And apologies to those on the receiving end.

Biggest Bust: Jordan Love (4.98)

We must, once again, return to the somehow(?) hugely important matchup between the largely irrelevant Raiders and Packers. 11/36 teams rostered Jordan Love this week. The largest contingent of the league to act in unison this season so far. I’ll repeat: Jordan Love was the quarterback three on the year, behind only Josh Allen & Justin Herbert. Rarified air. Go ahead and check out that link, though, his completion percentage of 56.1 is unequivocally the worst among starting quarterbacks. This pumpkin-ing was destined to happen if we had just cared to read the tea leaves. But, we, as fantasy fanatics, stay in the flames till we’re burned! Returning to this past Monday night, Love went 16-30-0 (with three interceptions and two sacks). A notch below pathetic, this outing was sad for the Aaron Rodgers replacement. The Packers are among the most spoiled franchises in history, so they don’t really deserve our sorrows. But I do feel for Jordan Love. Here’s to his bounceback post-bye week. And here’s to the 11 of us who don’t have to play him again.

Weekly Oddity:

  1. On winless/undefeated watch – the Boswells remain at the top of the mountain. Meanwhile team Web, A.S.S, and myself remain W-less.
  2. Speaking of team Web, they rostered two wideouts that recorded just 1.7 points. If only either one had another catch and run!
  3. Six teams have over 600 points overall. Four of them are in the Mario division.

Playoff Watch:

The first six teams are the Division Winners. Top 14 teams are playoff teams.

  1. She Sucks My Boswell (5-0)
  2. Love Me Sexy (4-1)
  3. skol! go yikes (4-1)
  4. Kirk Cochainz (4-1)
  5. Lannisters (3-2)
  6. Titan Your Butthole (3-2)
  7. End Zone Jones (4-1)
  8. AR5 Fan Club (4-1)
  9. Scrantonicity 5 (4-1)
  10. Skid Marks (3-2)
  11. Southport Skegs (3-2)
  12. The Realest (3-2)
  13. Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S (3-2)
  14. Drew Crew (3-2)
  15. Kingpins Of Crime (3-2)
  16. Freak of Nature (3-2)
  17. Scorebox Munchers (3-2)
  18. The Hens (3-2)
  19. Krusty Krab Pizzas (3-2)
  20. lansing leopards (3-2)
  21. Billy Hoyle’s Big Bounce Academy (2-3)
  22. The Good Guys (2-3)
  23. Waller? Hardly Know Her (2-3)
  24. Jerry West’s Office Window (2-3)
  25. Dez Still Caught It (2-3)
  26. Saquon Deez Nuts (2-3)
  27. CobbSlobbers (2-3)
  28. Gamecocks (2-3)
  29. Just the tip Jefferson (1-4)
  30. Bob Barker’s House of Pain (1-4)
  31. Just Setting Lineups So I Don’t Get Fined (1-4)
  32. Pay Day Gray (1-4)
  33. Jalen “oh god yes it” Hurts (1-4)
  34. The Funks (0-5)
  35. Adam Schefter’s Sources (0-5)
  36. team Web (0-5)

That’s all for now! Be sure to get your lineups in early and have a great rest of your week!

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