Week 1 is over, and this Commissioner is smiling at his league with pride. 31/36 teams had a full roster set by the Sunday morning games, and only one holdout (Who’s Nailin’ Jalen?) had to roster an SNF/MNF-only lineup. (I’d love to see those kinds of lineups go extinct eventually. In a sense, rosters like that should only be reserved for people with extreme scheduling conflicts and the like.)
Furthermore, 35/36 teams have paid dues. The sole holdout here: Ward and Peace. Elsewhere, a solid portion of the league has made a bio and/or uploaded a profile picture.
Overall, the League is running smoothly, and we are all systems go for a top-notch season.
There’s no more housekeeping to cover. Let’s get to the categories.
Highest Scorer: The Los Angeles ICE-melters (129.78 points)
A rarity, but a welcome one: your humble Commissioner gets to open Week 1 as the highest scorer and, thus, by default, the #1 seed in the league. After five years of sputtering in my own league, I’m doing things a little differently nowadays with a targeted approach to my selections. I won’t unveil the Krabby Patty formula just yet, but it helps when you roster the #3 QB overall. (Fun fact: just 0.16 points separated Lamar Jackson, Daniel Jones, and Justin Fields in fantasy finishes this week. Click here to learn more!) Just call this roster Post-Hype. In fact, I think if you read my roster in a sing-song-y tune, you may just lull your baby to sleep. Seriously—the weight of your eyelids has never felt heavier reading names like Hubbard, Kamara, Harrison Jr., Pittman Jr., and Hunter freaking Henry.
Biggest Blowout: Cooper Station vs. She Sucks My Boswell (44.72 points)
Cooper Station (a very niche Interstellar reference, btw) laid the smackdown on Boswell in a high-priced roster affair. Cooper had the bright idea to play Hubbard, who tallied some garbage-time points, and the supernova of rookie Emeka Egbuka, who miraculously scored twice. But he also included the likes of Chase Brown and Chris Olave—two players who pretty much have complete ownership over their respective domains. Olave was on the field for 94% of offensive snaps, while Chase Brown had 21 of 23 total rushing attempts for the Bengals (Burrow had the other two). If Cooper Station has any regrets à la McConaughey behind a bookcase, it would be rostering Ja’Marr Chase for a pitiful 4.6 fantasy finish.
Nonetheless, any woes that Cooper Station suffered were buffered by the planetary collapse of Boswell’s team. T-Law barely eclipsed 10 points, Conner did his job, and the Arizona kicker came through. Those bright spots aside, this roster was a black hole.
Closest Call: The Good Guys vs. Ward and Peace (2.26 points)
I thought this was a signed, sealed, delivered, cashed, done deal: Ward and Peace defeats The Good Guys. Go to print. However, who could have foreseen a 4th-quarter collapse from the Chicago Bears!? I mean, has that EVER happened? I feel for Ward and Peace. They assembled a rock-solid roster of surprise heavy-hitters! Etienne, Breece Hall, and Jakobi Meyers were all relative value plays and combined for 52.8 points. This is the kind of rostering that wins. Yet, some late-game voodoo magic resulted in a career game from Keon Coleman and a shockingly respectable score from J.J. McCarthy. The newspapers got it wrong: The Good Guys defeat Ward and Peace.
Best Find: Daniel Jones (29.48 points)
How’d he do it? Is Miami just going to be this god-awful? Probably. Will Daniel Jones start the whole season? I think not. But for Week 1—and Week 1 alone—Daniel Jones was an elite option at quarterback for the undefeated Indianapolis Colts. However, nearly half of these almost 30 points came from the fantasy mana that is quarterback rushing. The 10-cent man carried the ball seven times for 26 yards and two touchdowns. Not too shabby. How many people roster Jones next week? My prediction: at least five.
Biggest Bust: Ja’Marr Chase (4.6 points)
He was the undisputed #1 overall pick in fantasy, and he hauled in two catches on five targets for 26 yards. Disgusting.
That’s your write-up, folks!
Next week, a new blog post will recap the League drama. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or issues.
Have a great week, and good luck!
