2026-27 Week 1 Scores

Position Historically Bad at This Kingpins of Crime
QB Jalen Hurts - PHI 24.72 0.52 Sam Darnold - SEA
RB Tyler Allgeier - ARI 9 8.3 Omarion Hampton - LAC
RB Cam Skattebo - NYG 14.1 32.4 D'Andre Swift - CHI
WR Chris Olave - NO 28.2 1.2 Jaylen Waddle - DEN
WR Jalen Coker - CAR 33.8 21 DJ Moore - BUF
WR Adonai Mitchell - NYJ 9 26.2 Jaxon Smith-Njigba - SEA
TE Michael Mayer - LV 9.2 9.2 Michael Mayer - LV
K Tyler Loop - BAL 14 19 Evan McPherson - CIN
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 14 Seattle Seahawks - SEA
Total 156.02 131.82
Winner Historically Bad at This (+24.2)
Position The Culver’s Less Traveled By hancocky bastards
QB Dak Prescott - DAL 14.4 13.26 Justin Herbert - LAC
RB Travis Etienne Jr. - NO 14.8 35.3 Derrick Henry - BAL
RB Ashton Jeanty - LV 32.7 34.1 Kenneth Walker III - KC
WR CeeDee Lamb - DAL 15.4 10.5 Tetairoa McMillan - CAR
WR Josh Downs - IND 5.7 1.2 Jaylen Waddle - DEN
WR Michael Pittman Jr. - PIT 8.8 13.9 Garrett Wilson - NYJ
TE Harold Fannin Jr. - CLE 4.1 23.7 Dallas Goedert - PHI
K Trey Smack - GB 10 7 Jake Bates - DET
DEF New York Jets - NYJ 11 -1 Tennessee Titans - TEN
Total 116.9 137.96
Winner hancocky bastards (+21.06)
Position Daejon’s Deceivers Iceman’s Disciples
QB Baker Mayfield - TB 11.64 11.64 Baker Mayfield - TB
RB Cam Skattebo - NYG 14.1 14.1 Cam Skattebo - NYG
RB Jacory Croskey-Merritt - WSH 12.6 4.4 Tony Pollard - TEN
WR Jalen Coker - CAR 33.8 8 DK Metcalf - PIT
WR Quentin Johnston - LAC 3.7 8.3 Chris Godwin Jr. - TB
WR Parker Washington - JAX 19.3 3.7 Quentin Johnston - LAC
TE Michael Mayer - LV 9.2 14.4 Juwan Johnson - NO
K Trey Smack - GB 10 7 Chris Boswell - PIT
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 14 Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX
Total 128.34 85.54
Winner Daejon’s Deceivers (+42.8)
Position Krusty Krab Pizzas Eating Poop @ The Eagles Parade
QB Jared Goff - DET 16.44 11.64 Baker Mayfield - TB
RB Kenneth Walker III - KC 34.1 23.7 Chuba Hubbard - CAR
RB Bijan Robinson - ATL 31.3 2.3 Chris Rodriguez Jr. - JAX
WR Puka Nacua - LAR 12.4 8 DK Metcalf - PIT
WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba - SEA 26.2 9.5 Luther Burden III - CHI
WR Ja'Marr Chase - CIN 3.2 5.7 Jalen Nailor - LV
TE Trey McBride - ARI 24.5 18 Dalton Kincaid - BUF
K Brandon Aubrey - DAL -1 11 Chase McLaughlin - TB
DEF Los Angeles Rams - LAR 1 -1 Tennessee Titans - TEN
Total 148.14 88.84
Winner Krusty Krab Pizzas (+59.3)
Position The Good Guys Depressed Colts Fan
QB Trevor Lawrence - JAX 26.1 13.26 Justin Herbert - LAC
RB Kenny Gainwell - TB 5 9 Saquon Barkley - PHI
RB Jaylen Warren - PIT 10.3 3.7 MarShawn Lloyd - GB
WR Tre Tucker - LV 4.7 13.9 Garrett Wilson - NYJ
WR Parker Washington - JAX 19.3 10.5 Tetairoa McMillan - CAR
WR Caleb Douglas - MIA 14.4 3.7 Quentin Johnston - LAC
TE Dallas Goedert - PHI 23.7 5.6 Cade Otton - TB
K Cameron Dicker - LAC 2 11 Chase McLaughlin - TB
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 11 New York Jets - NYJ
Total 119.5 81.66
Winner The Good Guys (+37.84)
Position Ocean’s 9 Jordan Loves Younghoes
QB Baker Mayfield - TB 11.64 26.6 Jaxson Dart - NYG
RB Rhamondre Stevenson - NE 14.5 19.8 Breece Hall - NYJ
RB D'Andre Swift - CHI 32.4 14.8 Travis Etienne Jr. - NO
WR Chris Olave - NO 28.2 0 Romeo Doubs - NE
WR Chris Godwin Jr. - TB 8.3 16.9 Mike Evans - SF
WR Dontayvion Wicks - PHI 15.3 21.2 Nico Collins - HOU
TE Isaiah Likely - NYG 27.8 10.1 Travis Kelce - KC
K Tyler Loop - BAL 14 4 Dominic Zvada - NYG
DEF New York Jets - NYJ 11 6 Miami Dolphins - MIA
Total 163.14 119.4
Winner Ocean’s 9 (+43.74)
Position Ward and Peace Pay Day Gray
QB Justin Herbert - LAC 13.26 -0.38 Kyler Murray - MIN
RB Bucky Irving - TB 20.3 14.5 Rhamondre Stevenson - NE
RB Saquon Barkley - PHI 9 9.8 Bhayshul Tuten - JAX
WR Garrett Wilson - NYJ 13.9 8.5 Jameson Williams - DET
WR Chris Olave - NO 28.2 7.2 Rome Odunze - CHI
WR Quentin Johnston - LAC 3.7 8.8 Wan'Dale Robinson - TEN
TE Sam LaPorta - DET 9.8 9.2 Michael Mayer - LV
K Cameron Dicker - LAC 2 19 Evan McPherson - CIN
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 -1 Tennessee Titans - TEN
Total 114.16 75.62
Winner Ward and Peace (+38.54)
Position Riley Read Option Hock Out With My KOC Out
QB Baker Mayfield - TB 11.64 16.44 Jared Goff - DET
RB MarShawn Lloyd - GB 3.7 14.1 Cam Skattebo - NYG
RB Jaylen Warren - PIT 10.3 7 Quinshon Judkins - CLE
WR Ladd McConkey - LAC 19.2 5.7 Josh Downs - IND
WR Matthew Golden - GB 15.5 4.7 Tre Tucker - LV
WR Michael Wilson - ARI 10.6 19.9 Devaughn Vele - NO
TE Jake Ferguson - DAL 2.6 2.6 Jake Ferguson - DAL
K Will Reichard - MIN 7 10 Matt Gay - LV
DEF Philadelphia Eagles - PHI 3 14 Las Vegas Raiders - LV
Total 83.54 94.44
Winner Hock Out With My KOC Out (+10.9)
Position Scrantonicity 8 Dez Still Caught It
QB Joe Burrow - CIN 14.16 11.64 Baker Mayfield - TB
RB Jahmyr Gibbs - DET 33.6 19.8 Breece Hall - NYJ
RB Bijan Robinson - ATL 31.3 32.4 D'Andre Swift - CHI
WR George Pickens - DAL 5.8 8.3 DeVonta Smith - PHI
WR CeeDee Lamb - DAL 15.4 8.3 Chris Godwin Jr. - TB
WR DeVonta Smith - PHI 8.3 8 DK Metcalf - PIT
TE Dalton Kincaid - BUF 18 9.8 Sam LaPorta - DET
K Ryan Fitzgerald - CAR 5 19 Evan McPherson - CIN
DEF Baltimore Ravens - BAL 8 14 Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX
Total 139.56 131.24
Winner Scrantonicity 8 (+8.32)
Position Skid Marks unbelievably high
QB Jared Goff - DET 16.44 13.26 Justin Herbert - LAC
RB Omarion Hampton - LAC 8.3 3.7 MarShawn Lloyd - GB
RB Tony Pollard - TEN 4.4 8.3 Omarion Hampton - LAC
WR Parker Washington - JAX 19.3 3.7 Quentin Johnston - LAC
WR Jameson Williams - DET 8.5 12.4 Puka Nacua - LAR
WR George Pickens - DAL 5.8 13.9 Garrett Wilson - NYJ
TE Harold Fannin Jr. - CLE 4.1 27.8 Isaiah Likely - NYG
K Cameron Dicker - LAC 2 -1 Brandon Aubrey - DAL
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 19 Pittsburgh Steelers - PIT
Total 82.84 101.06
Winner unbelievably high (+18.22)
Position Who’s Nailin’ Jalen? Up!!!
QB Cooper Rush - ATL 5.72 13.26 Justin Herbert - LAC
RB MarShawn Lloyd - GB 3.7 32.7 Ashton Jeanty - LV
RB Travis Etienne Jr. - NO 14.8 9.8 Bhayshul Tuten - JAX
WR Josh Downs - IND 5.7 4.7 Tre Tucker - LV
WR Luther Burden III - CHI 9.5 9.5 Luther Burden III - CHI
WR Brian Thomas Jr. - JAX 7 10.6 Michael Wilson - ARI
TE Michael Mayer - LV 9.2 9.2 Michael Mayer - LV
K Dominic Zvada - NYG 4 -1 Brandon Aubrey - DAL
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 14 Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX
Total 73.62 102.76
Winner Up!!! (+29.14)
Position Woke Up and Chose Violence All You Need is (Jeremiyah) Love
QB Dak Prescott - DAL 14.4 23.2 Tyler Shough - NO
RB Breece Hall - NYJ 19.8 8.3 Omarion Hampton - LAC
RB Ashton Jeanty - LV 32.7 10.6 De'Von Achane - MIA
WR Chris Godwin Jr. - TB 8.3 10.5 Tetairoa McMillan - CAR
WR DK Metcalf - PIT 8 8.8 Wan'Dale Robinson - TEN
WR Tetairoa McMillan - CAR 10.5 19.9 Devaughn Vele - NO
TE Dallas Goedert - PHI 23.7 9.2 Michael Mayer - LV
K Tyler Loop - BAL 14 10 Matt Gay - LV
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 14 Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX
Total 145.4 114.5
Winner Woke Up and Chose Violence (+30.9)
Position The Jacked Son’s Myth Enigma Freakofnature
QB Justin Herbert - LAC 13.26 14.16 Joe Burrow - CIN
RB Jahmyr Gibbs - DET 33.6 33.6 Jahmyr Gibbs - DET
RB Tony Pollard - TEN 4.4 24.2 Javonte Williams - DAL
WR George Pickens - DAL 5.8 3.2 Ja'Marr Chase - CIN
WR Jameson Williams - DET 8.5 3.7 Quentin Johnston - LAC
WR Parker Washington - JAX 19.3 19.3 Parker Washington - JAX
TE Dallas Goedert - PHI 23.7 23.7 Dallas Goedert - PHI
K Harrison Butker - KC 7 7 Jake Bates - DET
DEF Green Bay Packers - GB 6 19 Pittsburgh Steelers - PIT
Total 121.56 147.86
Winner Freakofnature (+26.3)
Position The Emotionally Injured Reserve TheNuke
QB Baker Mayfield - TB 11.64 13.26 Justin Herbert - LAC
RB Aaron Jones Sr. - MIN 10 8.3 Omarion Hampton - LAC
RB Chuba Hubbard - CAR 23.7 18.8 Chase Brown - CIN
WR Quentin Johnston - LAC 3.7 28.2 Chris Olave - NO
WR Jalen McMillan - TB 0 5.8 George Pickens - DAL
WR Cooper Kupp - SEA 5.5 8.3 DeVonta Smith - PHI
TE Hunter Henry - NE 5.6 0 Colston Loveland - CHI
K Matt Gay - LV 10 -1 Brandon Aubrey - DAL
DEF Tennessee Titans - TEN -1 14 Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX
Total 69.14 95.66
Winner TheNuke (+26.52)
Position Southport Skegs Beaver Blitz
QB Joe Burrow - CIN 14.16 9.82 Drake Maye - NE
RB Jonathan Taylor - IND 25.1 9.8 Bhayshul Tuten - JAX
RB Bijan Robinson - ATL 31.3 3.7 MarShawn Lloyd - GB
WR Ja'Marr Chase - CIN 3.2 13.9 Garrett Wilson - NYJ
WR Drake London - ATL 5.5 7.8 Carnell Tate - TEN
WR Tee Higgins - CIN 8.9 12.2 Jakobi Meyers - JAX
TE Trey McBride - ARI 24.5 0 Terrance Ferguson - LAR
K Brandon Aubrey - DAL -1 12 Cairo Santos - CHI
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 7 New England Patriots - NE
Total 125.66 76.22
Winner Southport Skegs (+49.44)
Position Cooper DeJean is not my lover Game of Lan
QB Tyler Shough - NO 23.2 26.1 Trevor Lawrence - JAX
RB Bucky Irving - TB 20.3 32.7 Ashton Jeanty - LV
RB Bhayshul Tuten - JAX 9.8 4.1 Rico Dowdle - PIT
WR Dontayvion Wicks - PHI 15.3 8.3 DeVonta Smith - PHI
WR Jameson Williams - DET 8.5 21 DJ Moore - BUF
WR DK Metcalf - PIT 8 7.8 Carnell Tate - TEN
TE Juwan Johnson - NO 14.4 0 Kyle Pitts Sr. - ATL
K Jake Elliott - PHI 6 9 Eddy Pineiro - SF
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 -1 Tennessee Titans - TEN
Total 119.5 108
Winner Cooper DeJean is not my lover (+11.5)
Position Zurich Fins Endzone Jones
QB Dak Prescott - DAL 14.4 26.6 Jaxson Dart - NYG
RB Javonte Williams - DAL 24.2 14.1 Cam Skattebo - NYG
RB Travis Etienne Jr. - NO 14.8 33.6 Jahmyr Gibbs - DET
WR Luther Burden III - CHI 9.5 26.2 Jaxon Smith-Njigba - SEA
WR Tee Higgins - CIN 8.9 12.4 Puka Nacua - LAR
WR Jameson Williams - DET 8.5 4.7 Darnell Mooney - NYG
TE Dallas Goedert - PHI 23.7 24.5 Trey McBride - ARI
K Evan McPherson - CIN 19 2 Cameron Dicker - LAC
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX 14 -1 Tennessee Titans - TEN
Total 137 143.1
Winner Endzone Jones (+6.1)
Position She Sucks My Boswell H-O-T-T-O-DEEBO
QB Jalen Hurts - PHI 24.72 11.64 Baker Mayfield - TB
RB Javonte Williams - DAL 24.2 4.1 Rico Dowdle - PIT
RB Cam Skattebo - NYG 14.1 9 Tyler Allgeier - ARI
WR Parker Washington - JAX 19.3 19.9 Devaughn Vele - NO
WR Quentin Johnston - LAC 3.7 3.7 Quentin Johnston - LAC
WR Wan'Dale Robinson - TEN 8.8 8.3 Chris Godwin Jr. - TB
TE Hunter Henry - NE 5.6 9.2 Michael Mayer - LV
K Cameron Dicker - LAC 2 5 Daniel Carlson - NO
DEF Philadelphia Eagles - PHI 3 14 Jacksonville Jaguars - JAX
Total 105.42 84.84
Winner She Sucks My Boswell (+20.58)