Playoffs Week 1

Hi all,

Here are the results of round one of the playoffs. Somber trumpet music for the following teams: why am i doing this, Femme Footbales, I am the Law, The Coconut Powerhouses, Inches, From 4th and Inches, and Dak Me Goff. Your seasons were fought valiantly, but you fell short at the last stand. Better luck next year. I’m attaching the matchups for next week where our #1 & #2 seeds rejoin the fight. Keep your eye on the $350 prize as last-minute Christmas shopping looms large.

Anyway, here’s the write up. 

Highest Score: 

Krusty Krab Pizzas (161.18): 

Rob’s team needed to make the playoffs to represent the Dopey Division in Sarah’s wake, so he shelled out. Season long Fantasy MVPs Kupp and Andrews lived up to their legacy, combining for 70 points. Gadget running back extraordinaire Ekeler and wideout turned RB Gibson both scored touchdowns and totaled 18 a pop. Those two positions performed despite incurring injuries during the game. While most of the Fantasy playoff landscape looked more scorched Earth than pleasant meadow, Rob was able to sift through the noise to find the signals. Summing 160 on any given week is a testament to a good manager, but in the playoffs, and during a COVID wrought week, this Highest Score is one of the more impressive feats. This all stands despite a lackluster performance from Dak. Time will tell if the Krusty Krab Pizzas can deliver on the season.    

Biggest Blowout:

Adam Schefter’s Sources vs I am the Law (137.2 – 0):

Normally I don’t highlight the blank lineups in the blowout section, but this matchup felt worthy of attention. Lawrence’s team managed to make the playoffs, despite losing the divisional title, after posting blank lineups in 3 consecutive weeks. Jake’s team clinched the division weeks ago, but fell to the three seed; and thus had to fight in week 15. Lawrence technically held the competitive edge with THREE full weeks of players that he never used. Well, he made sure that he’ll never use those players as he couldn’t scrounge a lineup when it mattered most. There’s always next year, but ‘I am the Law’s’ front office may need to look at the Director of Player Personnel to make sure the priorities are straight. To make matters worse, Jake expended high-end capital in the names of Mahomes and Kelce, thinking he’d have a tough matchup. Instead he was greeted with a half-baked cakewalk to Round 2. Pour one out to the teams who barely missed the playoffs and would have put up a competitive fight. 

Closest Matchup: 

why am i doing this vs Judge Jeudy (6.68):

Sarah’s inquisitive team (why am i doing this) was a juggernaut throughout the season. She frequently bested teams in the closest matchups, hoisted highest scores, and boasted the biggest blowouts. She managed to nab a very tight Dopey Division that proved to be the overall strongest in the league, and she fought tooth and nail to the end. David’s Judges were a more up and down story, posting the odd blank lineup, losing in narrow fights, and gaining/losing the division title several times throughout the season. It doesn’t matter how you got to the playoffs though, as it’s a new fight every week. Both teams rostered strong QBs, Ks, and Ds, and the squads washed on the smart plays of Dalvin Cook and DeVante Parker. One could say that David’s team edged Sarah’s out in the trenches with small victories like Chubb over Michel or Gesicki over Njoku. But it was Jeudy all along that would render Sarah’s verdict: GUILTY OF ELIMINATION. Jerry Jeudy failed to catch even one of his four targets and testified to a season-ending Goose Egg. One could say that losing on a preventable/bad luck play is very Vikings-esque. One could say that, but I’m not going to. 

Biggest Bust:


If your name wasn’t Mahomes, Rodgers, Hurts, or Tyler Huntley, you performed poorly in week 15. One third of the teams in this league played Kyler Murray for what should’ve been a playoff-winning slam dunk against the Lions. Seriously, mark it down, close your eyes and go to bed – that’s the decision making needed to roster the QB1 in games played, against a Lions defense that is fielding players no one has heard of. Actually try to name a player on the Week 15 Lion’s defense -I don’t think you’ll be able to. Kyler was about 30 points short of what you expected. Dak was a product of a game that was already won, thus passing as many times as handing it off. Kirk actually had the lowest passing yards of his entire career on MNF. And Tom Terrific sure let the Femme Footbales down. I’m not sure if Brady could have saved Andie’s week, but it would’ve made it closer. Tom Brady also tanked my playoff aspirations in three other leagues RIP. It’s that classic Fantasy adage, never trust the QBs who brought you here. 

Best Find: 

Cooper Kupp (34.7):  

On one hand, I want to give this award to Russel Gage and Christian Kirk who turned out to be extremely savvy plays. But the rostering teams lost. So that doesn’t feel right. Instead, I’ll give kudos to the Score-Box Munchers and the Krusty Krab Pizzas who exercised an incredible degree of patience in waiting to play my pick for OPOY, Cooper Kupp. Through 15 weeks of playing this rigorous version of Fantasy, these managers have been like stock-brokers on Wallstreet, waiting for the perfect time to buy or sell. The price was right (as it has been more often than not) to play Kupp last night against the Seahawks as he notched 9-136-2. With a few more multi-touchdown games, Kupp will be on the precipice of history. And if you were to replace Kupp’s performance with someone like, oh I don’t know, Jerry Jeudy, these outcomes might be different. 

Weekly Oddities:

Aside from the mind-boggling lapse of ‘I am the Law’ to silently exit the playoffs, there are a few oddities:

1) When looking at the bracket I provided, the left side saw all of the division winners advance (Dez, Sources, and Munchers). Meanwhile, the right side of the bracket saw a clean sweep of upsets. 14th upset 4th, 12th over 6th, and 10th beat 8th. Don’t write your fairytales yet, but there could be a Cinderella story coming from the right side. 

2) Despite my roasting of Lawrence’s no-show, there’s a good chance that his bow-out may have been inevitable. Jake’s team posted the second highest score without a WR3 and likely advances no matter what. 

3) Every matchup is between folks who are from different states. 

Hope you enjoyed, and happy holidays! 

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