Hello, Big League-ers! This is a long one, and I don’t fault you if you skip around.
This season-end write-up is being emailed and posted to the website to ensure everyone sees this. Feel free to skip it or engage! But I would like everyone to at least check out the exit survey attached at the bottom.
As quickly as it began, the season is finished. Eighteen grueling, compelling, fist-pumping, computer-refreshing, website-scouring, TV-watching, Collinsworth-enduring weeks are finally over! The NFL may move on to its postseason; but for us 36 teams, the season is mercifully over.
I had a total blast with the league this year. We experimented with a bonafide website, further launched the automated roster selection process, expanded to a 36-team membership (hailing from at least ten different states and many more unique cities), and ultimately crowned a new Champion, Andie aka The Hens. Circling back to the expansion to 36 teams, I want to highlight that we welcomed seven new members. Two of those newcomers have never played any Fantasy sports at all! So, before I dive into all the fun details, give all of yourselves a round of applause. All the work Matthew and I put into this doesn’t matter if we don’t have an engaged, dynamic, and fun league membership!
In lieu of doing a write-up with our traditional categories for these two matchups, I’ll keep my remarks brief.
1st: The Hens
2nd: Saquon Deez Nuts
3rd: She Sucks My Boswell
4th: End Zone Jones
Is it a wonder that Andie and her Hens were able to topple the seemingly endless roster that Saquon put up every week? No, it’s no wonder. But it is impressive! Fisher came into the week with a huge table-tilting lead thanks to Nico Collins’ ludicrous stat line. Collins erupted, catching all nine of his targets for 195 yards and a touchdown. That touchdown? Just a 75-yard house call. No big deal. Hens & Saquon still had a battle though. Despite neutralizing an otherwise savvy play of James Conner, they shelled out household names left and right. Rookie sensation Puka, Josh Stallion, an actual Sun God, and Modern Warfare aficionado Kyler Murray. Both squads even preserved top-5 scoring fantasy defenses: the Jets and the Cowboys. Ultimately, it’s your own blood that kills you though. The IRL Saquon Barkley put the nails in the coffin for Saquon Deez Nuts. Despite rushing for only 46 yards, two of his eighteen attempts were touchdowns, and he had a 46-yard catch. Et tu Barkley? Regardless, the point totals from both teams are incredible for a week 18 matchup. Any team would be lucky to score 153.68 or 168.06.
Fisher’s fight to reach 2nd place was valiant though. Dez Still Caught It went on a warpath near the end of the season, and Kirk Cochainz looked like the man to beat near the beginning. Furthermore, Fisher is the only team in the league that can boast an impressive 5-0 within his division. For The Hens, consistency is King. Or in this case, Queen. In a three-way tie with the overall Luigi record, she needed to make a statement via points to secure a playoff spot. With a Biggest Blowout in week 14, she had made her nest. Her penultimate boss battle came in the form of co-Commish Matthew and Scrantonicity 5 where she managed to beat him with one health bar left! (Seriously winning a playoff match by 1.28 is all-time stuff). But this is a long time coming. Andie had a playoff run last year and improved on it this year. A worthy winner in a competitive league. Congrats!
In the battle for 3rd place, it is so fitting that Alan and Kenneth had to face yet again. The entire season, in a way, felt like these two suffering blows from one another. In previous write-ups, I’ve described this rivalry as a slug-fest, and this bore out in their final matchup (for this year at least!). For the first two months, it was Boswell and the remaining 35 teams. However, End Zone picked up their pace to usurp the Peach division and the #1 seed. Yet, Kenneth’s early legwork kept them in serious title contention. Run this league 100 times and I think you still see these two teams in the final four for the majority of the scenarios.
Looking at their actual matchup though, it was the 12th round of this boxing match, and the fighters were running out of steam. End Zone was down to the likes of Nick Mullens, Khalil Herbert, and a 0-play from Demarcus Robinson. And Boswell had to scrape the barrel with Palmer, an under-performing Kenny Walker, and a hit-or-miss Jerry Jeudy. While most of these picks panned out, none were sure-fire hits. Sadly, for the #1 seed, it was a big fat dud from Robinson that delivered the loss to Alan. His 0-0-0 stat line was a far cry from his 10-catch 92-yard performance from last week. Nonetheless, both juggernauts will receive money for their efforts this year. But looking toward next season, keep an eye on these two. I could smell a prolonged rivalry between End Zone Jones and She Sucks My Boswell.
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Below, I’ve written a little autopsy of each division. What went right? What went wrong? Feel free to read only your own, all of them, or whatever. At the end of this, there is also an attached stat report that Matthew has curated.
League Recap
*Bold denotes the team made playoffs
*Numbers in bold indicate the average placement of the Division, based off the end of regular season rankings.
Mario Division
end of year ranking: 1) Skid Marks (9-5), 2) Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S (8-6), 3) The Realest (7-7), 4) Lannisters (7-7), 5) Adam Schefter’s Sources (5-9), 6) team Web (3-11)
Mario, Mario, Mario, where to begin. This Division looked like a four-way race for first place the entire way through. At any given point, Skid Marks, Woman, Realest, or Lannisters would pop for a Biggest Blowout or Highest Score. Skid Marks’ strategy through three years of this format has been to accumulate as many points as possible and playoffs be damned. Well, newcomers (Lannisters & The Realest) and relative newcomer (Woman in S.P.O.R.T.S) were not to be left in the dust! These three were gunslinging cowboys in the Wild West, shooting 150-point lineups left and right. The top-four teams in this Division were the highest-scoring top-four among the other top-four for the rest of the League. The average placement of the entire Division was 19.6, pretty much average. If you phase out Schefter & Web, they place at 13 on average. Yep, they all make the playoffs. That brings us to the bottom two teams who single-handedly account for seven of the League’s 13 fines. That’s easy math, but I’ll state it in words: over half of the league’s empty rosters came from these two teams! What’s perhaps more shocking is that they accumulated as many wins as they did. team Web formulated a bold new strategy to wait till MNF to bank entirely on two teams to secure victory (he was able to do this twice); meanwhile, Jake is a smart enough fantasy player that when he didn’t submit an empty roster, he could unload hellfire on his opponent. However, these are not even the worst two-team-punch within one division. More on that later.
In sum, I would say that these teams made for the most entertaining of all the Divisions. Whether it was the nail-biting suspense of receiving a lineup from Web and Sources or seeing who would pop their head up for the Division title on any given week, there was always a narrative among these six. Perhaps, team Web will do some off-season scouting and Adam Schefter’s Sources will return from la-la land. Perhaps, The Realest & Lannisters got a little taste of blood and are hungry for more. Perhaps, Woman in S.P.OR.T.S is a veritable fantasy wunderkind and will never look back from greatness. Or perhaps, Skid Marks has gotten too close not to execute on a title next year. All of these storylines will have to wait until next year though.
Luigi Division
end of year ranking: 1) Billy Hoyle’s Big Bounce Academy (9-5), 2) The Hens (9-5), 3) Love Me Sexy (9-5), 4) CobbSlobbers (7-7), 5) Southport Skegs (7-7), 6) Jerry West’s Office Window (6-8)
If the Mario Division was the most entertaining, the Luigi Division was the most competitive. Week to week, it felt as though any one of these teams could make a run to the title. Ultimately, that did happen, of course. An astonishing three-way overall record tie (9-5) led to a tight race for points by the season’s end! Just 34.6 points separated the third-best team from the first-place leader. Billy Hoyle’s Big Bounce Academy got their money back with the #3 seed, while Love Me Sexy & The Hens had to settle for the #8 and #9 seeds. In any case, this is only half of the Luigi Division. CobbSlobbers and Skegs both had impressive runs, leading to a point where I wondered whether Slobbers had it in them to vie for the big belt themselves! Ultimately, they suffered a few close calls that didn’t sway their way, and they settled for fourth. Meanwhile, Southport Skegs inexplicably accounted for this Division’s only empty roster and fine. Had Colin thrown a lineup together, they may have been in playoff contention! All of this leaves us the hardest-working Division loser in the whole league. Jerry West’s Office Window placed #24 overall, a dozen spots over last place. There may not be a member more willing to give feedback than Matt himself, and to see all that effort result in a 6-8 record is head-shaking at least. However, we’ll trust the process, and I have no doubt we’re going to see Matt hoist the trophy soon enough.
The average divisional placement for the Luigi Division was 14.83. This is well above average and is only bogged down by a handful of teams in the twenties. Looking to next year, there is no doubt that these six will stick together for another competitive season, and they may even add another to the fray! Last year, the Divisional stalwarts similarly placed in the top tier, and there is no reason to expect different for next year. In so many words, this is the model Division. We can all learn from their strategy, competitiveness, and tenacity. Luigi may be a Fraidy Cat in the world of Nintendo, but he also ends up toppling King Boo at the top of a mansion.
Bowser Division
end of year ranking: 1) Jalen “oh god yes it” Hurts (8-6), 2) Freak of Nature (7-7), 3) Titan Your Butthole (6-8), 4) Bob Barker’s House of Pain (5-9), 5) The Funks (4-10), 6) Pay Day Gray (3-11)
Cue the Benny Hill music. Do not get it twisted – this Division was a disaster. Barenheimer was the film event of the year (decade?) and watching this Division unfold felt like watching Barbie and Oppenheimer at the same time, backwards. The three-headed dragon meme but reversed with six dragon heads. Accounting for all of our finishes, our average finish is an embarrassing 24.6 placement performance. That’s below the last-place finisher of the Luigi Division! Freak of Nature was the only serious team in here. Poor Sel had to endure all of our pitiful showings and skate to a winning record to win the division. That’s all right? Right? I’m getting ahead of myself here. As a member of the illustrious Bowser Division, it felt like we were cursed. Closest Matchup loser after loser netted us the worst Divisional record, placement, and points by a decent margin. Somehow, though, we are the only Division to not record an empty roster! Pay Day Gray frequently was a last-minute submitter. Despite managing much of the day-to-day, I could only muster four measly wins as The Funks. Garret and Luke’s teams mirrored their treasured Titan’s destiny in a sputtering, bumbling path to a mediocre position. The only thing we Bowsers embody from our namesake is the hot breath that Bowser spews. Back to Freak of Nature though. Last year, he was stuck in a Division with Skid Marks and End Zone Jones and the three of them were so top-heavy that we split them up. This year, it was his Division to lose. Yet, in weeks 13 & 14, Freak encountered a two-week losing streak while Jalen ‘inappropriate name’ Hurts went on a lucky streak. I may have never seen a more lucky Division winner, and I think Joe would agree. Jalen Hurts was the lowest-performing Division Winner across so many metrics, you could just assume they placed in any of them. Of course, this led to a Wildcard Round exit. But they do get their money back.
Similar to the Luigi Divison, these Division mates are committed! We just might not be that skilled. I fully anticipate to see all of us back next year. Sources tell me that Titan Your Butthole has already cleaned house in their coaching departments. Pay Day Gray needs a wake-up call to remind them of their dominance from Year 1 of this league. Joe simply needs a few rabbit feet to get anywhere. Garret and his House of Pain know ball as well as anyone in the whole league. And Freak of Nature, well, I think we just woke a sleeping giant. As for me, I’ll be going back to the drawing board to see if I can mimic my co-commissioner’s success next year.
Wario Division
end of year ranking: 1) Scrantonicty 5 (11-3), 2) The Good Guys (8-6), 3) skol! go yikes (8-6), 4) Krusty Krab Pizzas (8-6), 5) Kingpins of Crime (6-8), 6) lansing leopards (5-9)
Speaking of my co-commissioner’s success! The story of the Wario Division is one of greed. Matthew didn’t just want one win, he wanted them all! In this Division of friends, there was one paramount narrative – the story of Scrantonicty 5‘s ascent. Even Matthew would say that he is not the most carnivorous consumer of the sport; but as it turns out, you may not need to be. After a couple of early losses, Scrantonicty 5 never checked the rear-view mirror. Scrantonicty 5 looked across the bow to see Boswell & End Zone Jones fighting and realized no one else in the League may cross ten wins. However, let’s pluck a few flowers from this victory bouquet. Matthew’s team did not rank first in points in the Wario Division, nor second, third, nor fourth. Scrantonicity 5 placed 5th in the Division with 1516.48 points, just ahead of lansing leopards (1407.4 points), who recorded an empty roster. The honor of second place was a tight race between The Good Guys, skol! go yikes, and Krusty Krab Pizzas. Also, consider that Kingpins accidentally submitted an empty roster as well and could’ve easily climbed. Despite skol! go yikes being so resistant to rejoining each year, Sarah is a perennial contender and is never a write-off. Pizzas, unfortunately, had a minor misunderstanding of the tie-breaking procedures and thought he had a ticket to the postseason. Alas, he was just one spot short! Circling back to the great 8-6 tie, 24.5 points separated Krusty Krab Pizzas from The Good Guys. Seeding-wise, this is only a disparity between the #13-#15 seeds. These back-to-back-to-back finishes result in an even 16-average placement. Just 24.5 accumulated points over the course of 14 weeks would’ve secured Rob a spot and bumped someone else out. In all of this, lansing leopards appears to have gotten a little lost in the sauce. The Division was filled with vets and enough competition such that Andrew couldn’t quite find a foothold. But his point total shows that he’ll have a shot next year.
If the story of the Wario Division begins with Scrantonicty 5‘s dominance, then it must end with their tragic defeat at the hands of the Champion, The Hens. A loss by 1.28 points is the makings of a good villain origin story. And, a year from now, when Matthew vies for the lead of his future Division, he’ll be asking those poor souls, “Wanna know how I got these scars?” Nonetheless, I want to see all six of these teams come back. Rob and Sarah are both due for a trailblazing path to victory. And if Tosh’s Venmo pay descriptions are anything like his passion to win he’ll be in contention too. lansing leopards is just getting started too. The true test will be if Matthew can replicate anything close to what he did this year.
Waluigi Division
end of year ranking: 1) Saquon Deez Nuts (9-5), 2) Dez Still Caught It (9-5), 3) Kirk Cochainz (7-7), 4) Just the tip Jefferson (4-10), 5) Just Setting Lineups So I Don’t Get Fined (4-10), 6) Waller? Hardly Know Her (3-11)
Visually and narratively, we can split these teams between the top and bottom half. Starting with the bottom three teams, I’m not positive I mentioned Waller? Hardly Know Her more than two times in the write-ups all season. Despite only being one loss lower than Lineups & Jefferson, it sure felt like this team was tanking for the #1 overall pick! Matloff did what no one else could do and went 0-5 in the Division. Sun Tzu said “Know Your Enemy” and Matloff said “Nah”. Just a tick up in the rankings are the cumbersomely named Just Setting Lineups So I Don’t Get Fined & Just the tip Jefferson. These teams mirror each other in many ways. A 4-10 record, an empty roster each, and a degree from Northwestern. This may be the only Division in the league where everyone knows each other! Both David and Gest made week 18 in the last two years, so it’s a shame to see them underperform this year. To state it broadly, this Division probably has the highest football IQ among the six other divisions. Thus, it’s curious how they all ended up so middling. In third place, we have the finally surgent (I’d say resurgent, but there was never really an initial surge) Vikings fan, Flom. In week 6, Kirk Cochainz was 5-1 and the 2nd-best team overall. Week 10? 5-5. After a four-week losing streak, this team’s fate was sealed and the ink became dry on an even record. Flom has yet to record a winning record in Big League. In the writeups and written above, I’ve detailed Miller’s meteoric rise to the #10 seed. In a scorched Earth path of fury, Dez Still Caught It pummeled teams in the final few weeks like they were sandbags. But even that effort was futile to dethrone Erik and the Nuts. Week after week I was shocked at the roster-capital that this team still had to expend in the playoffs. Cooper Kupp in Round 1; Josh Allen in Round 2; CMC, Jalen Hurts, and Kelce in Round 3. But it wasn’t enough to get the dub against Andie’s behemoth 168 points.
The elevator pitch on the Waluigi Division is one of contradiction. Good planning paired with a shortcoming. High hopes and a milquetoast finish. Past performance proceeded by hollow follow-up. These six teams averaged out to place 22.5. That’s just a spot and a half off from the League worst Bowser Division, but somehow it doesn’t feel like the Waluigi Division was that bad. I attribute that to the fight that the top end brought. But, if three years of running this league has demonstrated anything to me, anyone can upset the apple cart. Especially someone as mischievous as Waluigi.
Peach Division
end of year ranking: 1) End Zone Jones (11-3), 2) She Sucks My Boswell (10-4), 3) Drew Crew (8-6), 4) AR5 Fan Club(8-6), 5) Gamecocks(8-6), 6) Scorebox Munchers (5-9)
We conclude this deluxe coverage of the league with the League-best Peach Division. The average placement of this Division was 13.33. On average, each member clears the playoff cutoff and cruises into the postseason. Consider the two empty rosters from Scorebox Munchers and Gamecocks, and you’re probably looking at a suppressed placement. It is further remarkable half of the Division are new to our format here: Drew Crew, AR5 Fan Club, and Gamecocks.Drew Crew was a tough match each week and was 5th in the League in points (1668.8 points). AR5 Fan Club suffered through the early NFL loss of their namesake, Anthony Richardson, but he showed resolve. Clay took to the league so steadfastly that he would input lineups weeks in advance. Gamecocks, oh Gamecocks. Over the Thanksgiving break, in a crucial Divisional matchup between AR5 Fan Club and Gamecocks, Ben submitted his sole blank lineup. This is documented in the write-ups, but it’s too insane to not cover it here. That week, Clay only put up 91.5 points – an inimitably beatable point total. Gamecocks lose, Fan Club wins. If he had won this, his record would have jumped to 9-5 and he bounces Drew Crew among others out of a playoff spot. Every week counts people! Lastly, we have Connor and the Munchers who had a quiet season. Coming in 6th in this Division has to do with that, but he also failed to cross the 1300-point threshold, something only two other teams (Sources & team Web) failed to do. But the vaunted Peach Division came down to the headlining affair of End Zone Jones vs She Sucks My Boswell. Fitting that it ended in them tilting for the overall 3rd and 4th place, but they fought all season long! Kenneth went undefeated through six weeks, before hitting a two-week skid. Meanwhile, Alan was the recipient of a couple of close losses while accumulating points. Frankly, these two have occupied the majority of the oxygen in Big League this year. If you’re reading this, you know their intertwined story.
The Peach Division felt like her character in Smash Bros., always pulling a trick out of the bag at the right moment. Frying pan, tennis racket, golf club. a turnip! No one was safe when they faced any one of these Fantasy heavy hitters. Well, almost any of them. The season is over, however, and no one here won first, second, or the points title. Boswell gets a sum for 3rd and End Zone gets a perfunctory refund for his participation. I can’t fathom that any of these folks would not stamp their ticket back to Big League next year, but the lesson remains – always be closing.
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That’s all the relevant info for now!
On behalf of myself and Matthew, I want to extend the heartiest thank you to all of you for participating and making this the best year of Big League to date. I’m attaching a stat-run down from Matthew as well as a big ole survey I’d like everyone to run through.
As always, I remain your co-commissioner. Please reach out if you have questions or anything else. For now,
All the best,
Turner Manley
270-799-7170
