Hi all: here’s the weekly scores and writeup. Lemme know ASAP if you see any issues or have questions.
On Thursday, I’ll send the normal reminder. I’m also going to tally the point totals and take screenshots of who everyone has played so far. If you haven’t kept track of your players thus far, hopefully this helps.
Highest Scorer
Skid Marks: When you go to a restaurant, it may be tempting to order the most expensive thing on the menu. Waygu Ribeye, Surf and Turf, Crème Brule, etc. Sometimes you shell out to get that top shelf Scotch. And more often than not, it is emphatically worth it. That’s how I feel about Skid Marks’ roster this week. The names Josh Allen, Derrick Henry, Tyreek Hill, and Deebo Samuel alone should make any opponent frantically begin searching for a towel to throw in. Then you add the sprinkles of Antonio Gibson, Gesicki, and Bass who scored for about 50 on their own. Skid Marks’ one misstep was betting big on the Bengals defense, little did he know just how much Urban Meyer would rise for that affair. Enough flowery language though- Skid Marks totaled 191.92, and easily could have topped 200 if a different defense was chosen or if Chase fell into the end zone. 191.92 tops the previously highest score by about 30 points and sets a bar for those who want to earn that 1st half of season most points cash prize. If a lesson is to be learned, it’s this: when you want to eat like royalty, order like royalty.
Biggest Blowout
Skid Marks v The Good Guys: When I was charting out the scores, I was selfishly dreading writing up the biggest blowout, as I had been utterly curb-stomped with a 60 point slap in the face of any football IQ I purport to possess. However, I was saved by Skid Marks showboating on The Good Guys. Was it only three weeks ago that The Good Guys had the highest point total? How the mighty fall. Zane’s Guys can’t feel all that bad though he put up a very respectable roster that would have beat many many teams; they simply ran into the juggernaut that was Skid Marks. This matchup might as well have been a blacktop-pickup team vs the MonStars from Space Jam. This was David fighting Goliath if David’s sling was made of silly putty. This was the ’92 Olympic Dream Team vs *something about the breakup of the USSR*. I’ve already written enough about Skid Marks lineup, so I’ll leave it here: The Good Guys, lick your wounds and persevere.
Closest Match
End Zone Jones v Scrantonicity 3: 2.58 points was the margin of victory for Scrantonicity 3.This was not the typical close match that we’ve seen over the weeks where both teams have a similar neck and neck approach to their rosters. End Zone Jones deployed a boom/bust tactic with 3 players scoring ~20 points while the rest of the roster, well, busted. Matthew and Scrantonicity 3, instead, chose a more reliable roster, headlined by the palindromic initials AKKA, also knowledgably known as Alvin Kamara & Keenan Allen. Matthew may have overspent on this roster in order to just barely squeak by, but you know what they say about squeaky wheels, they get the win, or oil or something. Cheese? Honorable mentions: Dez Still Caught It vs Inches, from 4th and Inches (3.9); Judge Jeudy vs The Vanilla Nut Taps (4.38).
Biggest Bust
Tennessee Titans D: 11 out of the 28 teams (myself included) read the tea leaves of the first three weeks: the New York Football Jets are awful. Gangreen was averaging less than a touchdown per week on the season; and while the Titans’ defense is several years removed from being anywhere close to feared, there’s no way a defensive head coach and an average roster could let the levee break against an injured, talent-deficient, rookie-dependent, first year coached offense, right? Right?! Wrong. The Jets were cleared for takeoff and had a first class trip to 27 points and 7 sacks against Tannehill. Zach Wilson was three yards short of 300 and doubled his touchdowns in one game (2). All that tea-leaf reading paid off in the form of 2 whole points (2 points can be redeemed for a sticker at most Chuck-E-Cheeses). Honorable mentions: Tom Brady for failing to record a touchdown; and all of the various 0 or sub-2 point plays that people suffered through.
Biggest Find
Cordarrelle Patterson: This week may have seen the most roster diversity (aside from the overwhelming Titans play) thus far. Intuitively, this creates room for a number of highlight-caliber finds among rosters. Three teams played Deebo for another game-breaking performance, and three teams played Dawesome Knox for a spectacular 2 tuddy show out from the typically lackluster TE position. And of course, there’s Tyreek Hill who recorded his second 180+ yard game in just 4 weeks of football. Sure, all of these are good finds, but I’m not sure any of these options rival the singular stat sheet that Team Blumpkins was able to witness Mr. Patterson put up. The kick returner, turned running back, turned all purpose weapon scored thrice through the air and touted a hefty 5.7 YPA on the ground. It really makes you wonder what his former teams over the last 8 years were doing with such a talent when he’s putting up these numbers in a pretty lukewarm offense. Well done, Gray, in finding such a value for the win.
Weekly Oddity
The first oddity lay in the matchup between The Krusty Krabb Pizzas and Deshaun in the Wind. At first glance, there’s not much to sniff at. But then you realize that both had a 0 point scorer at RB, both had receivers score for 9 points (8.9 rounds up), both had someone score 5.3 points, and both played Titans tight ends. For further reading, please look into the similarities between the assassinations’ of JFK and Lincoln. The results may just surprise you.
Secondarily, there were a number of neutralized QB plays across the matchups. Twice, two teams played Heinicke against each other (which is really unfortunate considering how well he did). And again, the two teams who played the Cleveland QB with buyers’ remorse lucked out and played Baker against each other.
Lastly, and less of an oddity, the two last teams to submit a roster this week, played each other and just saved the league from our first 0-0 tie.
Hope you all enjoyed this and I’ll email you all a lineup reminder on Thursday!
