A low-scoring affair in week 6. Only one team crossed 150 points. But off the heels of my divisional round-up last week, we got some upsets! Two undefeated teams were toppled, and ALL last-place teams won their matchups. ‘Bout time.
ALSO, the vaunted PLAYOFF WATCH
Highest Scorer: Skid Marks (150.82 points)
As mentioned, it was a barrel-scraping week in fantasy scoring. ESPN’s Field Yates circulated the fun fact that heading into MNF, no player had scored 30 points in standard, PPR formats. Well, one person did– CMC: 30.69.
In any case, last year’s champ, Skid Marks, said BURN THE SHIPS, and wasted no resource in guaranteeing a win against divisional rival and juggernaut Scrantonicity 8. Just look at the roster, and you’ll probably see a preview of the 2026 All-Pro team. This team probably had some gas left in the tank too – Puka only notching 14 and Dak with a pedestrian 11. However, this league format has shown that the path to wins matters less than winning itself. Skid Marks leaves a brown path in his wake for a win on the Turtle Division leader and the highest score.
Today, Skid Marks wins $15 as the weekly top scorer. Brian Manley, today you are a rich man.
Biggest Blowout: Beaver Blitz vs hancocky bastards (99.76 points)
On the losing end of this last week, Beaver Blitz gets to bask in glory for at least one week. After submitting a late lineup, they put forth a Stars and Scrubs lineup that includes the red-hot Kenneth Walker III and the near-anonymous CJ Daniels in the same sentence. Also the recipient of a commissioner reminder, former champion hancocky bastards neglected to field a roster.
This is our first empty lineup of the season; thus, it should be a warning to all league managers! That not only will a crushing loss be handed down from on high, but also the hefty, mortgage-destabilizing fine of $15 precious dollars. That fund will be distributed to division winners at year’s end.
Blitz’ team total of 99.76 was not stellar, though. She would’ve only beaten 6 other teams in the league. However, I can’t take it away from her. A win’s a win. Even when the opponent doesn’t show up.
Closest Call: Jordan Loves Younghoes vs Southport Skegs (1.46 points)
The emergent strategy of always playing the best players has come to a momentary halt for the formerly league-leading Southport Skegs. And there’s really just one person to blame for this. Or two, depending on how you attribute blame.
Cameron Christopher Skattebo was on the grass for 6 offensive snaps for the Giants. In a game where they clawed their way back from certain doom, surely the bull-headed battering ram from Arizona could have been an additive force. Harbaugh says nay. The Skatt man didn’t even sniff the leather of a football. 0.00 repeating.
And what’s worse is that this was not foreseeable. Fantasy managers across the country suffered donuts at the hands of Cam, and Johnny H. Victory was all but a lock for Colin, if not for Cam’s shadow-benching.
Nonetheless, Younghoes still had to beat the rest of the roster, and they did so beautifully on the backs of many standout performances. Now the Skegs are defeated at last.
Best Find: No one
The hallmark of a patented BEST FIND is a player rostered by 3 or fewer people on teams that win. This makes it exceedingly hard to award any single player the best find this week. One candidate might’ve been Germie Bernard (25.7 points), however, the three teams who played the guy lost. Another, Tre Tucker (26.7 points), but a quarter of the league played the guy – not exactly bargain bin hunting. And then, I even considered Khalil Shakir – the Buffalo passing option that you have to play at some point in the season due to your fiduciary duty to score points, but it’s really just an exercise in futility to roster the bum. But his plain Jane 13.4 points appeared on 1 win and 1 loss across the 16 matchups.
Thus, I declare this low-scoring week BEST FIND – LESS. There is no best find. And if you got a problem with that, I got three words for you.
Bah. Hum. And Bug.
Biggest Bust: Rhamondre Stevenson (3.6 points, played by SEVEN teams)
I just don’t know what happened here. Big R.S. carried the rock 14 times for a grand total of 36 yards. But, wait! Stevenson is a pass-catching specialist! Well, he was, with at least two targets in each of the preceding 5 weeks. Scratch that – change of plan. We will not check down to the man.
But this is really aside from the point. 2nd-year 2nd-round running back TreVeyon Henderson, who’s been playing 2nd fiddle to the lifetime 2nd-option, Rhamondre, is on his 2nd ankle injury (grade 3) and wasn’t supposed to play. This is the makings of a SMASH play in a Pats offense that has finally found its footing! However, Henderson got a late-window Adamantium infusion and suddenly heals like a Weapon X success story. To that end, the should-be sit-out, rushed 7 times for 31 yards.
I don’t know how to make heads or tails of this. Stevenson sucked. Henderson wasn’t great and shouldn’t have been there in the first place. And the Pats won. Figure it out on your own.
